Every time I see those "perfect morning routine" posts on Pinterest, I laugh. Because here's what MY morning routine actually looks like with a two-year-old.

6:30am - The Unwanted Wake-Up Call

I don't set an alarm. My toddler IS the alarm. And she doesn't have a snooze button.

"MOMMY! MOMMY! I NEED YOU!"

I stumble to her room, eyes half-closed, wondering if it's socially acceptable to mainline coffee at this hour.

6:45am - The Great Diaper Negotiation

Changing a toddler's diaper is like wrestling an alligator. An alligator who screams "NO DIAPER!" while doing a barrel roll off the changing table.

I've learned to keep toys nearby as bribes. Today's bribe? A plastic spatula. Whatever works.

7:00am - Breakfast: The Most Dramatic Meal

Yesterday she ate scrambled eggs. Today? Eggs are "yucky."

Today's approved breakfast menu:

  • Half a banana (but only if I break it the right way)
  • Three goldfish crackers
  • Two sips of milk (from MY cup, not hers)

    • I eat standing up while making coffee. Breakfast of champions.

    7:30am - Getting Dressed (The Hour-Long Battle)

    "Do you want the pink shirt or the purple shirt?" "NO!" "Okay, blue shirt?" "NO SHIRT!"

    Twenty minutes later, she's wearing pajamas and a tutu. I'm wearing coffee stains. We both won.

    8:00am - Screen Time (Yes, I Said It)

    Judge me if you want, but Bluey saves my sanity while I clean up the breakfast tornado and throw dinner in my slow cooker.

    Meal prep in the morning = future me doesn't have to think at 5pm when everyone is melting down.

    8:30am - Play Time (aka Me Sitting on the Floor)

    We play with blocks. By "we," I mean she knocks down everything I build while I try not to fall asleep sitting up.

    But these are the moments I'll miss someday, right? RIGHT?

    9:30am - Snack Time (Already?!)

    Didn't we just eat? Yes. Does it matter? No.

    Snack rotation:

  • String cheese
  • Apple slices
  • More goldfish crackers
  • Whatever I'm trying to eat

    • 10:00am - The Morning Is Over, Somehow

    And that's it. That's my morning routine.

    No meditation. No workout. No matching outfits or bento box lunches.

    Just survival, coffee, and the hope that naptime comes soon.

    What Actually Helps

    Real talk—here's what makes my mornings slightly less chaotic:

    Prep the night before:

  • Lay out clothes (even if she doesn't wear them)
  • Pre-portion breakfast items
  • Set up the coffee maker with a timer

    • Lower your expectations:

  • Everyone dressed? WIN.
  • Everyone fed? DOUBLE WIN.
  • House still standing? TRIPLE WIN.

    • Build in buffer time:

  • If we need to leave at 9am, I start getting ready at 7:30am
  • Toddlers operate on their own time zone

    • Accept help:

  • TV is not the enemy
  • Pre-made food is fine
  • It's okay if the house is messy

The Truth About Morning Routines

Those Pinterest-perfect morning routines? They're either: 1. Staged for the photo 2. From people without toddlers 3. Lies

Real morning routines with toddlers are messy, loud, and chaotic. And that's completely normal.

Some days we nail it. Some days we're still in pajamas at noon.

Both are valid.

You're Doing Great

If you got everyone fed, relatively clean, and out the door today—you won.

If you're still in pajamas reading this while your toddler dumps cereal on the floor—you're doing great too.

Motherhood isn't about perfection. It's about showing up, coffee in hand, ready to negotiate with a tiny human who has NO idea what they want.

What does YOUR real morning routine look like? I'd love to hear I'm not alone in this chaos!